Life As A Mom

Oh hello! Been a while!

A LOT has happened in our little world since I last blogged. Yet again I find myself at the docs for the same reason I did two weeks ago. So angry. They gave me some horrible harsh antibiotics the last time that messed up my insides so bad I had to stop taking them, result – the return of crappy tonsils, incredibly sore throat, blocked sinuses…. basically it’s come back with vengeance!

Enough about me though.

Like I said, a lot has happened over these two weeks. Most importantly – Quinn has got not one but TWO first teeth come true!

So when I got ill two weeks ago and I was blogging about my amazing 8-hour nights, I think I cursed it by saying it out loud here. With that, these nights ended lol. Everything just went downhill.

First, the teething pain. Oh dear lord the cries…..! At first I stayed strong and bringing back the dummy didn’t even cross my mind. Just because I knew it was just the pain he was in and I had to do other things to comfort him. Calpol also came in handy. But then we got to this point at like day 4 or something when it was like the newborn days all over again – rocking him, walking around with him, feeding him more than I should…. so on one night when we had both been up already for more than an hour, my husband just told me to bring the dummy out. And at first I was like “you serious??? I worked so hard to get rid of it!” But yes, he was serious. Plus we needed some sleep. It worked. That was it. Almost tried to act like nothing’s ever happened.

But then the evenings got reallllly bad and I mean like “me punching the walls bad”. Not only he was teething, he also started refusing his afternoon naps, which was all normal, but putting two of those together you get a slightly overtired baby in pain. Bath time was painful. For me. Fine in the water but before and after I felt like I might lose my hearing because the cries were so loud and horrible they went through my body. The last dummy-free night I put earplugs in my ears! I mean… this should not be that hard!

I was so angry. The cries made me feel angry. And I do not want to be that level of angry around my baby. Around anyone to be honest!! It got to the point when I was actually punching the wall. And even screamed back at Quinn few times even though I know there’s no point whatsoever in that. This is not healthy!! And as soon as I would pick him up, he’d be fine. I’m sorry but I can’t fill the bath and get his bath stuff and bedroom ready with him on me!

The next night, everything was the same but then I noticed a massive ulcer in the roof of his mouth as he was crying his eyes out. That just killed me. I felt like an asshole, thinking that all this time he has probably been teething AND had that in there! It must have been so painful for him! And then I just thought, there’s only that much I can do, and FYI people who don’t know me – my back is in a bad way at the moment (which I will write a separate blog about) and I just cannot be rocking him for hours to calm him in situations like this, even putting him down to his cot sometimes hurts so bad I’m constantly afraid I’m gonna Just drop him in there one day. I also can’t feed him until my nipples fall off. So what’s the solution here? Let him cry until he wears himself out? No, I don’t support that especially when I know he’s poorly. So I gave him his dummy back and straight away he started calming down.

That same night I went to Amazon and ordered new age appropriate dummies for him.

The next morning the ulcer was gone, but he had some smaller ones on his gums. Went to see a doctor but she says it’s all normal and a common thing to happen together with teething.

Some might call me weak, some might think I gave up too easily. None of that is true. And like I said in my last post, I’ve never had anything against dummies, I just made my baby quit it because it became a sleeping problem for him. But I think that it’s okay to use it at times when it gets really bad and I feel like I’m becoming a bad parent. So which one would you prefer? A screaming, angry horrible parent and a crying baby or simply a dummy. I know what I prefer.

Just to bring it up to date with the whole dummy situation – the nights have got better again since the teeth are out and the ulcer is gone, he’s got a cold tho! He normally wakes up once for a feed, but that I don’t mind. I don’t give him a dummy for bed because he doesn’t need it, he still falls asleep without it, which is good. Sometimes cries a little, sometimes just tells his dadadadadadadadadaaadada dadadaaa stories which can be quite entertaining to watch from the monitor. But he goes to sleep on his own which was always my goal – self soothing. Oh I have actually given it to him few times in the morning when he starts waking up at 5ish and I’m just like “nope!”, too early, so I have given him the dummy and that helps him to sleep until 7. But other than that, dummy only comes out when things get out of hand.

So overall, the dummy has returned, but we don’t use it in a way we used to anymore. So that’s that!

And hey, I could have been one of those fake “perfect moms” and never mentioned it and kept on writing stories about my perfect sleep and perfect baby who never watches TV or needs a dummy….but that’s not me. I say it how it is 😉 And in case some other mom somewhere happens to read this and is in the same situation, they wouldn’t feel alone then!