Gosh, pressed my Mom Journal button the Bookmarks bar and it took me to my blog. I was logged out. That’s how long it’s been! And I got confused…..I was like where do I sign in? Why I only have an option to follow myself? What? What year is it?? Then I realised I have to actually go to WordPress to log in. Yes, this is how LONG it’s been.
And hey, seeing the last post I wrote….those were some dark days back there! The week that followed that post was one of the most stressful and saddest weeks I’ve had in the last 5 years or so…
The same evening I rocked over 39C fever and while I was seeing stars and shivering myself I also had to comfort my feverish baby. Like I said, some truly bad days. And I’m never ill, moms never are. No time for this shit.
Fast forward to today – energy levels…? Better, much better. Sun is helping and we’ve had quite a bit of it lately. It’s amazing what kind of kick in the butt it can give you! I’ve also decided that my new year is starting now, and that I really, and I mean it really, need to get MYSELF back. Mentally I’m almost there, but now the body needs to catch up.
Every day I’m trying to cut out more sugar from my diet, I’m trying my hardest to find time to exercise and every time I’m about to have a snack I have a little “meeting” inside my head with myself where we discuss if it’s really worth it? 99% of the time it’s not.
Now the important one – Getting back in shape! It was SOO easy with Quinn! Having just one kid is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO easy! What did I ever complain about?? And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE having my two little boys with me all the time, but the fact that they’re so close in age is just….whoa!! It can take its toll on me. It HAS taken it’s toll on me. People talk about baby weigh….I ain’t got no baby weight, that all went basically instantly… What I’ve got is cake weight. No sleep weight. No time to prep nice healthy meals for myself – weight. Putting everyone else’s needs first – weight. Being my kids everyday live-in entertainer – weigth. Spending my time doing the m*****fucking dishes for hours instead of practising yoga – weight. That weight!!! And I want to work out so bad, I want to sweat!!! I miss this sooo much. I want to have that TIME for myself. You might not know me but I used to work out 6 days a week, at least! But I need to concentrate though, I need to actually think about what my body is doing while I work out. I can’t just casually go all Hilaria Baldwin and train my butt muscles while prepping lunch lunch for the kids or just casually do some reps in the bathroom before bed. And then things I see on Instagram – mom-bloggers who work out when they’re kids are just there doing their own shit. It’s not real. I mean it’s not possible for me. I get that their money and following is probably coming from this “perfectly balanced” life they’re living but fuuuuuck that. Once again – not real. Say I want to do crunches…. I lie down on my yoga mat and before I can even get to my third one I hear a loud and clear mamaaaaaaaa and then the running starts from the other side of the room, and…hold on…..brace those pathetic abs….BANG…this nearly 14 kilos of joy is trying to ride me like I’m some kind of a shopping centre’s toy pony. So here’s my truth #fitmoms! And when they go to sleep at lunch time…. Again, don’t you have a messy room? Isn’t there toys everyone in your home??? I mean sometimes the 2-year old helps to clean up a bit, but the baby…..he’s favourite thing is throwing at the moment! Anything, any time, anywhere! So when they go to sleep, I clean all of that up, I do the dishes when I feel like it, sometimes I’m just so beat I need to chill instead. I mean, well done you for fitting your 20-min HIIT program in, I’m not. I hate these kinds of high intensity jumping-like-a-lunatic workouts. I like to take my time.
Anyway, everyone’s good, all my three men are keeping me busy and tomorrow is another day in the crazy-land!
Lastly, I’ve made a decision – somehow I need to get a dishwasher fitted into our quite a small kitchen because I am absolutely wasting my life doing the dishes. It’s ridiculous. It’s even way worse than ironing. Right now I don’t know what I was thinking while we re-fitted this house. Oh yeah, there were two of us! I thought, as we’re quite limited with space, surely we won’t need a dishwasher for two people. And then we got a kid. And then another one. On an average I cook about 5-6 meals a day – no salt/sugar age appropriate meals for the kids, and lunch/dinner for us two, sometimes I cook just for the husband and have something different myself. Oh! And sometimes I bake! So imagine all of those dishes! Insanity!!! I’m so done with all the scrubbing…..
Toodaloo! I’ll be back soon I promise (mainly that’s a promise for myself)