Little Toes In My Hand, Little Toes In My Belly

When’s the right time to have a baby? When’s the right time to have a second baby? Both good questions, right?

Well we thought now was a good time so…..surprise! Baby number two on the way!

Only over the recent months I have really, I mean really realised how huge of a sacrifice motherhood is. There’s just so much men would never really get. I’ve always loved working, being the number one girl to go to, having responsibilities, tasks – I love tasks! Crossing things off from my to-do list. Having phone calls with clients… I haven’t properly worked since 2016! It’s officially 2019 now! This is insane. Why you might think? Well my last work place was closed down in December 2016, I got pregnant in January 2017. Of course I applied for jobs straight away, but because I (used to) work in a very competitive world of marketing and events, it wasn’t only very hard to get a job, it was 10 times harder applying for these jobs as a pregnant woman! Plus back then I didn’t have a car yet, so where I live, really – you need to have a car to get to places. I got a car when I was 6 months pregnant I think, so yup, a BIT late! I remember this one job interview I had when I was 4 months pregnant and everything went extremely well, but obviously they were looking for long term commitment and on the second (and last) interview with them I just felt I had to say I was pregnant. What you reckon? Did I get it??? HAAA, of course not. Everyone who’s been pregnant knows but the second trimester is pretty awesome, I hope for most people at least, you’re not too big yet, you don’t feel sick every minute of the day, have loads of energy etc. So I was READY to work, instead I was told to “rest” by my possible future employers. So that was that! I am a freelance MUAH tho, so I did have some work, but not that much. And let’s not forget the fact that the whole of my pregnancy we were refitting/almost re-building our now home, so no-one can tell me I was sitting on my butt watching TV. I “worked” hard basically every day, with just that little exception that I wasn’t getting paid for it lol. I remember I was even tiling a part of our bathroom floor on my due date! (just because we had to take some tiles out cause of a floor heating issue) Then the baby came! That sort of cut off my life as we moms, know. We don’t really matter, do we? When we’ve got a newborn in our hands… If my old work place hadn’t been closed down, I probably would have wanted to go back at some point. I did feel really ready to work when Quinn was about 9 months I think. But here I am, he’s 14 months and I’m what – 6 months pregnant? So yup…. It is a sacrifice but also, every day is so precious as well.

There are many moms who might want to but can’t stay home like that. And in NO WAY whatsoever I’m saying it’s financially easy, it’s incredibly hard! Christmas was tough, and I’m sorry but no one was getting loads of presents from me lol. I did cook a lot of gingerbread cookies though!

It’s very had on a family. But the way we saw it was that we rather struggle now. We knew that we definitely wanted two kids, that was clear a long time ago. And the options were: 1)we go through few tough years with Quinn and then start this all over again, Or take it like champs and power it through now, have another baby and sort of….fit that big struggle into a shorter period of time, almost “get it over and done with”. So then one day I can go back to work without having to worry that I have to leave again soon to have a baby. I want to specialise on weddings from now and ideally become a full time wedding planner/designer, like the lady who works at The Plaza in Bride Wars. I want to be that bossy lady one day. And that needs time, commitment, dedication and a lot of hard work.

Also, I’m not getting any younger! My parents struggled a lot to have me, so I really am this special miracle kid! I didn’t want to take the same risk and wait for few more years. I’m 32 and it’s a good age to be a baby making machine for a while. And I’m an only child. I’ve always wanted a brother or a sister, so that’s why I wanted to do my best that our first born can have the luxury I never did. We think it would be amazing for him to have a playmate close to his own age 🙂 And again, I just would like to point out how happy and grateful we really are to be in this position. Because having a child can be so difficult and unfortunately is a struggle for so many couples. I truly am sending all my love and best wishes to them!

Pregnancy is not easy. For me personally it sure feels much faster the second time around though, just because I have that distraction called “my child” lol. First time though I felt like it was this stressful, paranoid, long wait. Because let’s be honest, in reality – and I am in no way ashamed to say it – officially, this is my third pregnancy. It’s almost like it didn’t happen, but it did… And I will definitely write another post about that separately, because I feel miscarriage is such a common thing but because it’s such a personal and painful thing at the same time, it mostly gets buried deep down or it’s just this uncomfortable subject to bring into a conversation. But ANYWAY! What I was saying was is that once you’ve had a bad experience like that for example or you’re just having a bit more complicated pregnancy it’s just extremely hard to relax and “enjoy it”. So really you live day by day and just hope for the time to pass faster. And once you get to 37 weeks, which is when the baby should be fully formed, it just feels like pheew!

A lot is different this time. I don’t check the baby apps – DAILY – like I used to with Quinn haha. I remember I even used to log my symptoms lol – ain’t nobody got time for that! Not that first trimester is hard for everyone anyway, this time I did feel though it was harder, because I couldn’t just sleep when I wanted, or do what I wanted or NOT be surrounded by food when I simply couldn’t stand any smell. So that was the hardest for me – prepping my baby’s food three times a day…..yuk! Disgusting that was! Let’s just say Quinn didn’t have fish for a long time. He also loves avocados, ughhh, just cutting them and feeling the texture made me sick. I’m back to loving them now though. So overall, it’s got it’s plusses and minuses but in the end I’m sure it’ll be so worth it!! How could it not be!!

Also, like they say – I looked pregnant much earlier and started feeling the movements much earlier. My husband is still asking me am I sure they got the dates right ha. I’m sure the three scans have got it right though! April it is

Here’s to the next 15 weeks!


One thought on “Little Toes In My Hand, Little Toes In My Belly

  1. Congrats on pregnancy. Check out our blog for moms and moms to be and join our community and conversations. Would love to hear your thoughts and advice you can share with other ladies. Comment on some of our various topics we have up ☺️

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